I have come to believe that our greatest strength is not knowing what we’re great at but being aware of the areas we’re most weak in. Strong teams are not built on the perfection of key players but by the ability to navigate weakness in a way that encourages growth. These teams are most often led by someone who has learned to work from a place of weakness. I first read this idea from author Pete Scazzero who refers to healthy leadership being done from our weaknesses.1
What does it mean to lead from our weaknesses?
None of us love to work under leaders who are constantly glancing up to see if everyone approves and overly-modest about everything they say in hopes of hearing some positive rebuttal. Neither do we thrive with passive leaders who aren’t truly passionate about anything except an occasional toasted cheese sandwich or ball game. Leaders have strong strengths and they have learned how to use them to influence people. Good leaders have strong strengths because they are aware of their weaknesses and unafraid of others seeing them and helping them grow.
In my involvement of any team related work I often sense an underlying pressure for leaders to promote their cause and let the world know how great their church or organisation is doing. When I attend conferences I often tune into the individuals presenting their projects and most of what I hear is all the great ways God is moving. In my personal experience this hasn’t served us well. I have worked under severely unhealthy leaders in the past who could talk really well about everything that was going well but locked down when it was time to navigate conflict. I have been that unhealthy leader myself.
Leading from weakness is not a free ticket to passive and insecure leadership but the art of developing our strengths by being aware of our weaknesses first.
Five signs a leader is working from weakness;
1. They are curious and interested when addressed with critique. These men and women neither shut down into a stone wall or blaze into a fire when they are questioned or critiqued. They ask questions to understand and are quick to apologise for hurting someone instead of launching a “why I am right” campaign. The reason they can be calm when their weakness is openly discussed is because they know weakness is a part of who they are and they are ready to learn and grow.
2. They are always asking questions and learning from others. These leaders do not run one-man shows. They don’t start para-church ministries with their name attached to a board of “yes” men. They are integrated into healthy local church community and accountable to other leaders. They read and learn constantly because they are aware that they need other perspectives. Their favourite topic to discuss is not all the ways other people are getting it wrong.
3. They are honest about the ways they hurt their closest relationships. These great men and women have a lot of love in their closest relationships. They are up close every day. They don’t bury themselves in frenzied activity or passive dormancy. They are good at asking questions like, “How would you rate the health of your marriage right now?” or “When was the last time you looked at porn?” They are deeply honest which means they build solid trust which means they live in intimacy with others.
4. They are at rest. It takes a lot of effort to cover over a multitude of shortcomings. I get the picture of a frenzied little rat endeavouring to cover a rotting pile of cornhusks with a tarp all alone. He’s running to cover up one corner, but the wind uncovers the next. He runs frantic to cover that corner but another gust sends the tarp flying and the he runs for cover. We’re often like him. We spend our life trying to cover up our trash instead of letting God clean it up. Good leaders have uncovered their trash and they’re working on cleaning it out of their life entirely with a team of other good men and women who love them. They aren’t alone and they aren’t scared so they can actually rest. If you see a leader that exudes this peaceful rest you can mark my word that they don’t spend most of their life covering their mistakes with explanations and clarifying statements. They’ve let the need to be right go a long time ago and they’re comfortable being children of God.
5. They know how to give grace. Because these men and women have acknowledged God’s unmerited favour in their deepest shortcomings, they give it liberally to others. Their default response to failure is often a question. They are very close to individuals who are facing their deepest nightmare and very good at speaking a bit of hope into despair. Because they have allowed God to address their deepest mistakes and failures they are hopeful when He guides them into other’s shortcomings.
6. They know how to address weakness. Have you ever worked under leaders who cringe at any whiff of conflict and refuse to navigate any discussions on internal disagreements or misdemeanours? These leaders want to stay in a spiritualised bubble where God is always moving powerfully and doing great things in their ministry or church. The result is always discouragement and apathy because we need leaders in our weakest places to be truly courageous.
I hope to give a bit of hope to someone who is feeling their imperfections in leadership keenly today. Your mistakes and failures are real and they hurt the ones closest to you. Learning how to acknowledge them and grow from them brings such hope and the genuine transformation the church desperately needs today. Your honesty in hard places will build the solid trust that deeply intimate relationships are cultivated in. Real relationship is not possible if you continue to spend most of your mental and emotional effort covering your weakness. You can let go. You can uncover the trash pile. You can surrender the excavation process to God and those you trust around you. You can rest.
You can lead from a place of weakness so you can truly grow.
Here are three practical ways you can start today that I have found invaluable in my own life.
1. Ask a trusted older person to mentor you. This has been integral for growth in my life when I have been stuck in bad habits and challenging relationships. It takes intentionality to ask, plan the calls or meet-ups, and take notes to grow but it is a biblical way to address personal weaknesses.
2. Have a few friends you regularly disclose your struggles with. If you struggle with anger or jealousy or sexual deviance or you’re just going through frustration or discouragement in a certain area practice inviting trusted friends into that. This was very hard for me and I still find that it takes real intention to actually do it on my bad days. This looks like a simple request, “I’m really struggling with ____ today, can you pray for me?” What you’re really doing is allowing others to do the same with their weaknesses and it builds the trust that leads to the close intimacy we’re all craving.
3. Learn to listen to honest critique on your life. Do not absorb petty jealousy or overly negative critiques. A question I often ask is “do I respect this individual’s walk with God and others?” If the answer is no, I don’t take their negativity about my life too seriously but I do take their remarks and evaluations of my life to someone I trust and ask them for accountability. There is often truth to even the snarky and envious statements that I can learn from.
In conclusion, I hope this spreads a little hope to the ones of you leading and feeling really weak. When we are honest with trusted people we build relationships that are properly grounded in what is real and that stability builds connections of close intimacy that become the birthing ground of transformation. It is there that deep personal change happens through the depths of our sins and strengths, close friendships are forged over tears and joys, and biblical community is built through our sorrows and celebrations.
- Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Pete Scazerro ↩︎
Photo by Ellie Ellien on Unsplash
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