The Indispensable Mark of a true Disciple

In our travels the past few years I have been watching in expectancy for the glory of the Body of Christ revealed in true disciples walking in obedience. I want the reality of God and His purpose for the church and not only do I desire it, everything in me needs it. After an intense season of change my whole being was thirsty for the presence of God and the presence of those who expect Him to manifest His glory. I was changed by seeing the presence of the Spirit in so many places meeting us in our weakness, brokenness, sin, and despair. My faith grew in the presence of the Holy Spirit doing what He has done from the beginning; creating life and colour and healing and beauty.

What inhibits this glory from invading our churches and closets and nations and prayer meetings and small groups? What inhibits this beautiful presence from consuming our ministries and outreaches and organisations? I have seen plenty of churches and organisations that host the presence of God and those are the places and people that changed me most, not by their giftedness or charisma or personalities but by their love through the power of the Spirit.

God kept nudging my wandering heart these months and teaching me that when we make the mark, the sign of success, the pinnacle of existence, or the ultimate ministry less than love from a pure heart His presence is stifled. When we have made the mark good teaching, efficient models, strong leadership, performance to standards, or a gift of the Holy Spirit those who are unable to give love well can be welcomed to leadership. It is this reality that has brought me to repentance and to an urgency for the church to understand that we are nothing without love. The mark of true maturity is our ability to draw near with supernatural love in challenging relationships.

We are designed by God for attachment and created to be in intimacy and that’s why it is love that brings about the greatest change. Teaching models and good preaching and well organised functions and robust vision all falls flat when one is not capable of loving, because these can all be done at a distance. Transformation does not happen with superficial relationship. Love is the greatest thing in the world because it requires closeness and love is the hardest thing to learn because intimacy makes us uncomfortable when we’ve been hurt up close. I have learned a lot from textbooks and classrooms but I am daily learning the art of love, and since it is the greatest commandment and first (and second) commandment from Jesus Himself, I am committed to learning.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbour as yourself.”

Matthew 22:34

What if all our resumes and bios and interviews and promotions all held a similar question, “How well do you love? What does love mean to you? Does your spouse feel exorbitantly loved and cherished by you? Do your children look at you full in the face and receive your love?” There are plenty of gifted people who know very well how to do what they love to do and have read copious amounts of literature on the subject but when conflict or pain arises they slink away to a distant place they are more comfortable. And this is not love.

What does it mean to love?

The way of love is marked for us in 1 Corinthians 13 and I want to warm your hearts today with the poignant words describing what it looks like.

 “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.”

Natalie Runion says “The church doesn’t need more people praying in tongues who are mean in English” and I will add, “The church doesn’t need more people quibbling about doctrine who don’t know the language of love.” It really doesn’t matter how well we speak or how gifted we are if we don’t love well we are annoying.

“And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge…” There are plenty who are gifted in revelations from God who do not understand the gentle love of God. Therein lies the pain experienced in settings where “God told me” is frequently prefaced by a flood of “You have a spirit of _____” and individuals often walk away more confused than loved. We can be gifted in the prophetic and understand truth from God and if we do not love well what we reveal to others has zero value. It is nothing, Paul says.

“And if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.” We can accomplish a lot and see the power of God moving through our faith and yet without love added to this remarkable faith we fall flat on our faces. Tyler Staton says that Pentecost began with everyone gathered close together in one place; it began in community! One of the obvious signs of the supernatural, along with the real and beautiful miracles the Spirit does among us is that we are working through the Spirit together in unity and love when it is hard.

“If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.” And it is this one that strikes a tender cord in my heart because I have been the queen of sinners on this account; believing that it is sacrifice and hardship that will produce abundance of fruit when we gain nothing through sacrifice alone.

“Unless our mission, our acts of mercy, our intercession, petition, confession, and spiritual warfare begin and end in the knowledge of the Father’s love, we will act and pray out of desperation, determination, and duty instead of revelation, expectation, and joy”

Pete Greig

What does love look like? How do we learn love?

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

And I wonder if we put our names right into that beautiful text what our spouses and children and churches and business partners and board members might say.

Kate is patient and kind. Kate does not envy or boast. Kate is not arrogant or rude. Kate does not insist on her own way (ouch, but she does) and is not irritable (unless she is hungry) or resentful (unless a man refuses to take abuse in the church seriously). Kate does not rejoice at wrongdoing (but she is frequently known to obsess over obscene realities in the church), but rejoices in the truth. Kate bears all things (actually flies apart frequently in frustration) believes all things (yet struggles with cynicism) hopes all things, endures all things.

Yes, I come up lacking.

And how am I learning?

I am saying “yes” to the finger of God moving my not-so-lovely places into love. The first thing He has done is show me more deeply His love and I wonder how many of us have served God and worshipped God and said that we love Him, but we don’t really experience His love. We can’t feel Him when we are not sure if He is safe or good. If you have worked excessively for God without long conversations with God there is a chance your head is too far down in shame to see the look of love in His eyes and maybe you’ve turned your back to His presence and hear only the din of fear and accusation over His gentle whisper.

That gentle whisper teaches us love. He is love. Everything He does is in love. He rebukes us honestly when He knows it is for our best. He draws us into repentance when He knows we will be free. His presence is love and when we practice His presence we are are molded into love as His voice overcomes all our silly little resentments. It is as Jonathans Helser says, “His affection is the stone in our hand to slay the giant of accusation.” His affection my friends, not our (or their) perfection.

When we stand in the presence of ever-lasting Love it becomes a part of us. His Spirit witnesses with our Spirit that we are children of God (Romans 8:16). When our identity becomes a loved and accepted child we can finally sit and enter into the rest of His presence and be comforted.

When we become comfortable with love, fear has to go. If you think about the people that have hurt (or maybe just annoyed) you most recently what words come to mind? Are you quick to try to defend your choices and actions because you are afraid? There is no fear in love but when fear is a habit love makes us afraid because it requires closeness. It can feel safer to dissect and criticise from a distance because we are afraid, then to move close into the mess with genuine love. And this is why I feel safer in an honest mess than in a superficial perfection. Too many church communities put on the act of okay-ness while someone is in acute despair sitting right up close. Do not tell me your way of church and your doctrine and your people are the best form of Christianity if the most traumatised among you have no voice and no hope. Do not put on a self-righteous tone and talk about the newest scandal as “I knew it all along…” if you are not weeping and embracing the broken left in it’s wake. Do not speak to me of another heresy-hunt where you’ve found another dangerous teaching in the church when the devil has made you a superficial gossiper that deeply wounds the vulnerable.

This is not love and the confused, battered, and despaired ones will know we are children of God by the way we love. This is why they often turn away from the church, and why I have raised my eyebrows at the church for years before God healed and restored my love.

There are plenty of successful pastors and cross-cultural workers and teachers and business men who do wild and amazing work for God, but when they are alone or when they are questioned and accused or when they experience loss, they enter into a dark film of confusion where they themselves cannot understand what is wrong. And the things they say and do from this space of comfort-less and love-less existence is painful to everyone around them. We should not be surprised when they cope with affairs and deceit, or built-up resentment and selfish ambition.

We know this is not love. And if you bear these habits, I urge you today to ask the Father to show you His love in a way you can feel and see and know in your inner being and to show you how to learn His language of love. We can learn how to speak better, counsel more effectively, and preach a better sermon. We can learn another workshop, read stack of books on missions, and it can all be really really good content that disciples us but Church of Jesus, let us never forget that the true mark of a disciple is not a certificate we can hang on our walls but a love that can pierce every soul.

In the stripping of all that is not love

In the tearing of all that isn’t planted in you

In the shaking of all that is built of myself

Oh God, let me learn love

Let all I do be done in love

Let the wind inside my sail be the presence of your voice

Let the courage of my heart be the promise of your love

Let the peace that I will find be the center of your will

Oh God, let all that drives me

Be you

And only you

Let me learn love, let all I do be done in love

Let all I do be done from love, let all I do be done for love

Oh God, let me learn love

Let all I do be done in love

Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash