Of Misery and Miracles

I’ve seen the miraculous in powerful ways the past years while simultaneously enduring a season of more intense suffering and trials. The Holy Spirit met me profoundly and I learned to know His power in beautiful ways while saying the hardest yes to Jesus I have said yet. These experiences have solidified a core belief that we need both a robust pneumatology (study of the Holy Spirit) and theodicy (study of God in suffering) to bring a hopeful gospel message into the world.

People suffer. You and I suffer. If the simple answer to complex suffering is always “You need the Holy Spirit” it can lead to deeper hopelessness when God does not show up as expected. However, when the reflex response is “You need to endure hardness” without an expectancy of the power of the Spirit the church often endures a sustained despair.

We just found out I am carrying our second child and I am full of joy at the thought of life being woven within me and yet I’m sitting beside the toilet with waves of nausea, suffering the effects of pregnancy on my body. God is revealing something as my baby is being woven and as I’m vomiting and nauseous and exhausted and weeping.

Miracles are happening within us as we’re saying yes to the life and power of the Spirit but that yes often has a hard cost that will bring suffering and trials into our lives. The power and fullness of the Spirit does not eradicate our suffering but provides the assurance of His presence of life within us.

I have the promise of life within me.

Every day I am closer to the promise. One day I will push our baby into the world and look into eyes alive with the life I have held within me as I wept and vomited and suffered through days of sickness.

We all have the promise of life within us.

We’re transforming and growing and becoming like Him and one day past all the weeping and suffering we’re going to see what it all has born. Our yes to the life of the Spirit within us will cost us. It will take us out of comfort and ease and into an unpredictable and sometimes shocking ride of the supernatural. We will suffer as we are proximal with evil and accused by those we love. We will cringe as our foundations of wood, hay, and stubble are being removed. We will weep as we transition into a life we didn’t plan for. We will keep releasing control. We will keep saying yes. One day we will see fully the life that our suffering has born in us.

There is no other way to learn the fullness of walking with the Spirit without a deep surrendered yes to whatever He brings. There is no other way for me to birth my second child than to say yes to the waves of nausea and sickness it brings. My friend Rosalyn says it’s like giving your body as a living sacrifice and I think that’s a lot like what we do for Jesus. We say yes to Him, we follow Him, we become afraid and troubled when the trials come but we keep saying yes because His presence is worth it.

If you’re suffering today know this; if you’re saying yes to Jesus the Spirit is weaving life within you that will produce something of eternal value. It is not fruitless misery. It is all used for an eternal plan being woven inside you. Paul says we should not be surprised at trials and think they are strange but just wait and see what glory will come of it. ¹Our theology of the Spirit must come with a healthy theology of suffering to be actually hopeful in this life because let me tell you, this life holds some knocks that will take us right off our feet if we’re not expecting them and are incapable of being honest about them.

So you’ll find me here, embracing the miracle within me— praying for miracles around me while weeping with nausea and heartbreak at the reality of suffering around me. If we can be unanchored by misery while expectant for miracles we can ease despair and breathe hope into the real suffering and celebration this life holds. Maybe a true miracle is being woven inside every one of us today as our dark places are shattered with His light and His presence speaks comfort in all our weeping places. We can be painfully honest with the tears today just as we can testify freely of the healing. His presence brings promise of a miracle, sometimes of grace and presence to sustain us and sometimes with a beautiful ending, and in it all we learn more about the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His suffering together.²

If the end of the story isn’t what we prayed for let’s take heart, we have the full promise of glory after all this weeping. But if we have seen the miracle let’s freely testify of its beauty and embrace each other in celebration! We all have the promise of life within us through the indwelling of the Spirit, and through both misery and miracles we will see colour and beauty and healing and get to know the character of God even more fully.

1. 1 Peter 4:12-13 ↩︎
2. Philippians 3:10 ↩︎

Photo: Monika Grabkowska on unsplashed